This would be round 4 of trying to write something for tonight.

So since it isn't working I'll just post here what I decided not to post on facebook;
I think its weird that in high school most people tried to look nice & presentable,

then you see them now in college and they've like given up... not cute at all.

Put on some makeup, use a little hairspray and put on some pants without an elastic waist band!!

I HATE YOU

I HATE YOU

I HATE YOU!!!!

I've said it for almost the past 3 years now but

when I leave I really never will be speaking to you again.

I tried to actually include you in my life tonight and introduce

you to my boyfriend.

You put on your fake little smile and for some dumb reason I thought things

actually were going well.

I hung out with him and we packed up his stuff and drove him back to his

dorm with his sister.

I came home 6 minutes after the curfew you set for me.

It was the first time I have ever EVER tried to abide by it and you flipped shit on me for it.

You said you were up all night worrying about me...

BITCH I STAY OUT UNTIL 5 AM SOME NIGHTS AND YOU DONT SAY OR DO SHIT!

AND I COME HOME 6 MINUTES AFTER MIDNIGHT AND ITS A SIN AGAINST HUMANITY.

You kept telling me I lie to you... I do what I say and say what I do.

I offered to have every friend I hang out with come to the house at once

to attest to that.

You said no, You know its true.

I need to get away from you so badly.

My cousin offered me a place to stay in Cali about a month ago,

he said he always has room for me.

You don't know that.

I hate you even more each day and each day, I get closer and closer to wanting to

just go there and never look back.

You think you are an amazing parent and you do so much for me...

WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I TRIED KILLING MYSELF?

MY FRIENDS WERE THERE. YOU WERENT.

YOU KNEW IT HAPPENED AND YOU NEVER SAID A FCKING WORD TO ME!

Yeah, your a good parent alright.

So, I guess this is the part where I try to properly blog?

I'm not used to it... I've been photo-blogging on Tumblr for a while now

so thats what I'm used to and even when I used this

I usually only posted writings and such.

Here we goooo:

This weekends been... interesting. Friday the honor choir from Bryan
had a party and of course they had me come. haha!
So I spent all day pretty much with my best friend LaRece.
[Gosh, the term best friend seems soo... childish]

That night Tristan came in town from school we were gonna see

each other but those plans fell threw.

Today, Saturday, was day two of not seeing him when he was in town.
I need a license already so I can make these things possible.
I mean people tell me all the time they will give me rides but...

Its just soo awkward to use someone for a ride, I hate it.
And to be completely honest, I'm a rather good driver as compared

to a few people I know that actually have a car and a license.

I mean it isn't too terribly hard.

Thats something I need to work on.

Last night I had a dream I went to college, it kinda felt right.

I was talking to my friend about it today and what I would do if I went.
And my answer was "I don't know"... isn't it terrible I'm 18 and I have to

pretty much know how I want to spend the rest of my life.

As unrealistic as it seems... I still want to sing.

When it comes to continuing school I just don't know how to go about it.
I don't have the resources or the know how to make things happen.

I've never taken an SAT or ACT test let alone do I know what they are.
And if I ever did end up going how would I pay for it? how would I pay for the dorm?
My mother already pays for my brothers schooling and my dad doesn't
help out with that kind of stuff, so Im just kind of stuck.
Plus if I were in school I'd want to be taking classes that interested me.
I.E: Art, Photography, music, cooking, design, fashion.
I wouldn't want to spend all my time in Math or science.
And you have to take those courses... as if already taking 14 years wasn't enough.
I mean I understand higher education but... how is math going to help me

sing or take a good photograph?

It would make more sense if I were doing things that actually

required math or science or English.

I'm at that stage now to where everyone is on my ass about doing

something with my life but to be completely honest
I'm 18 and I just spent 14 years of that in school so why would

I be so eager to just jump right back into school?
I kinda want to find myself a little before I do.

Have a little personal success before I start trying to please my family

or anyone else who bothers me about it.

I've decided that I'm back.

I will be regularly writing here again,
Maybe more thoughts than anything but none the less, I'm here.
With a new background and the original banner.