“…I’m not gonna runaway.

I’m not gonna hide today,

even if you don’t understand.

I’m not gonna be ashamed,

not gonna waste away…”

 

--Make me a promise,

Tonight wont be the last night you tell me you

love me. Please tell me I’m not just some piece in some

silly game. Tell me how to act, to make it through and make me a

promise. Tomorrow wont be the only morning

I wake to see your face.

Step One.

Let it out!
Cry my darling,

the memories,
the kisses,

they fade away with every tear.

Your anger

and longing,

your doubt & fear,
melt away with every drop.

Its time for a change.
No more tears,
no more blood;
Just peace.
Even the though is glorious.
Picture it,
a world with blue skies,
not smoke covered horizons.

The truth will never change:
With persistence comes hope
and with hope comes belief.

Belief in a world capable of anything:
Peace, Love, Redemption.
A land of love and a world united.

I feel like falling;
drifting away on clouds.
I feel like living in a technicolor;
dreamland. --

Flowers that dance & sing;
a sun that smiles;
and birds that know;
just how to say good morning. --

I feel like flying;
far, faraway from here.
Somewhere beyond the biggest rainbow;
past the stars,
and space. --

I want to live;
simply & truly.
I want to be happy,
I want to be in that one place;
I know ill always be safe,
I want to be in your heart.

--Childhood dreams shattered by adulthood realizations,

teenage lover affairs torn apart by life and lies.

People of the world,

that fall into love just to fall from their dreams.

Remember me as you pass or say no.

Recall my voice as I say, live on sweet child live on.

Two Girls, a Gay and Forgotten Story.

I sat down a while back and had this idea for a wonderful [in my mind] story,
I actually sat down and wrote the tiniest bit of it but as
I read over [which Ive been doing for over a month] I'm not satisfied in the least bit.
Your thoughts?

Two Girls and a Gay.

It was the summer before their senior year when Nataly Brande, Diane Belmont and Andrew King decided that the moment their caps from graduation hit the ground they'd move in together. The bar had been set high for their future apartment; close to Starbucks, 3 bedroom and not thousands of stairs. Then finally after four months of nothing they found it, Apartment 12-A, 8th floor in the Jackson apartment-complex. Now don't get me wrong, there were a lot of stairs but the elevators made up for it and having all those stairs meant less trips to the gym's StairMaster. The apartment was everything they could hope for: Spacious, bright, amazing view of downtown and right next door to a Starbucks. It seemed as if they were already moved in before the down-payment was even put down. (Total hours it took them to move in after the papers were signed: three and a half). Luckily for them they all had football players wrapped around their fingers so all they had to do was sit back and enjoy the view or men, sweat and muscles.


...thoughts?

Im beyond tired of so many things.

For years Ive looked at myself and saw someone I wasn't proud of, someone I couldn't except. I lived each day hating myself more and more wanting to never wake up, wanting every mirror in my home to be broken, every person around me to be blind. Hate is something Ive known all to well whether it is the hate I feel towards my father or mother or to the ones whom have hurt me the most, or the hate I have for myself. Hate is like an old friend that I don't think I will ever get away from. You know the feeling you get when you watch a scary movie and the monster pops up in front of you and your whole body leaps back? That's how I feel every time I see myself, I hear myself, every time I see something I have done. I'm not thee best at anything, not anywhere near the top in any one thing Ive tried. I beat myself down so others can put themselves up and to be completely frank and upfront about it I AM TIRED of it. I want to be able to wake up, look in the mirror and say "You are wonderful and I love you." But never once have I ever even had the courage to even try something so outside of myself, or outside of this new person that Ive become. I need a vacation from myself, from my thoughts that have haunted me for years the ones that keep me awake crying at night. I just need to get away, to run away, to be at peace with who I am and who I will always be.
,,Im just not in the mood to do this anymore.

40 Strong

I'm tired of feeling so small
like the world is too big for me to function.
I'm tired of feeling so scared
like everything in life is always unaccepting.
I'm tired of feeling so judged
like I'm in a court room every second of my life.
I'm tired...
I'm just tired.

I want to feel the warmth of my mothers arms
around me but I cant.
I'm denied, your different
and this love is only for things that are the same.
I'm ashamed
and this world just got bigger
and my fears they've grown
and that jury?
20 strong

I'm guilty.
I'm guilty of hating myself.
Of longing to be a star on a magazine
or the little boy down the street
that does nothing but smile.
And once again I'm ashamed
and the world its wider,
my fears are grander
and that jury?
40 strong.

I'm guilty.
I'm guilty of wishing I was normal,
that your life and my life were the same.
I'm ashamed.
I'm tired.
I'm alone.
I'm guilty.
I'm scared.
I'm gay...
and all I've ever wanted is to be loved.

I wish
that you were mine

I want
you to tell me how you feel

I should
move on but I cant

I need
someone to say forever.

....please?

Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
imsorrypleasedontleaveme

...and this is when things get tough.

Wake, Dance, Live.

I wake to blue birds,
their song as pure as silk
no sorrow or tears just beautiful melody.

I sleep to the wind,
slowly stirring the trees
grabbing on to everything afraid of being lonely.

I dream to the sky,
so blue and true
fluffy white clouds splattered random
like fresh morning dew.

I write to the earth,
that squishes between my toes
as I dance and prance in the rain.

I dance to the stars,
tiny dots in the sky
painted by the magic of one mans brush.

I live in the glory
of the nature around me
the birds and trees,
wind and stars,
the sky and earth.
For without it all
I wouldn't be me.

The Teenage Train Wreck is back!
Sorry all for the lack of posts for the past week or so my mind has been off track.

-- as the world turns in tiny circles
all we can hope for is a smile on our faces
and our loved ones hand in ours.

"for the times that Ive hurt you...Forgive me?"

Want more photography Tuesday?
Check out these darlings:

http://farrahgrant.com
http://www.jfotography.yolasite.com/
http://www.michellemooreblog.com/

The Perfect Farewell

If only someone as wonderful as you

came and saved me
brought me to a better day
sang a song of love
for days

If only the fairy tale
I've always dreamnt of
suddenly appeared
from their tattered pages
would you appear with it?

My heart is beating louder each minute.
My head is spinning 'round and 'round
If only you'd come and save me
we could end with the perfect farewell.

Photograph by Annie Leibovitz

I'm love lost in a world full of beautiful people
longing for one person to reach out and grab my hand.
Longing to wake up and open my eyes
to the true beauty of people,
not just their overdone exteriors.
So here I wait, for that someone who can make my world go
from Fake Orange Tans to Darling Colors.

"I look at her like she is the
sun and the moon
the grass and the trees
Like shes my one and only love"
-- Excerpt from Sweet Love

Children of the World.

As if in a movie we sit back and watch it unfold
-gasps and tears-
but we do nothing.
We don’t attempt give them a hand
or send them money.
Not even a small gesture just to say
“Everything will be okay.”
We sit back and watch as villages are raided
the women raped
the men killed, homes burned
and their children taken…
our children.
We’d attack,
retaliate but their so far its just to hard.
E-News, Brittney Spears, MTV
more important to you and me.
Were able to save a life
but we choose to just watch, not fight.
More woman are dead
More men the same and the children.
-oh, the children.
Their gone now,
the fighting is gone from their sight
for they’ve become, children of the world.

Children in Gulu, Northern Uganda (source: Dateline)

Money, True Happiness or a Tool to Find it?

Ive always wondered what it is like to be part of the "cool" crowd. The hip trendy kids in their name brand shirts not bought off the sales rack. Ive grown up middle class, hot dogs, Mac & cheese, Kool-Aide and off brand soda. It was normal to me but in my dreams glamor was normal. Limos, personal chefs and shopping bags to the ceiling. Achieving such a dread has and is a life long dream of mine the saying goes that "money doesn't buy happiness" but whom ever said that has obviously never slipped into a $200 t-shirt or worn a cologne 8 months before its released. That will be me one day the fancy shorts, a custom cologne, record and book deals -- the list is endless. Although it may take time and the road rough, I will try my damnedest to make my mark. Dreams, those far and near are always worth it so never give up and once you succeed start dreaming all over again. Who knows maybe in this process of reaching them we will discover that money truly doesn't buy happiness at all, its trying to get there that puts the bigger smile on our faces.

xxooxx.
Zachary.

Joy - a state of happiness or felicity


Want more photography Tuesday?
Check out these darlings.

http://www.nataliefrankephotography.blogspot.com/
http://klutzydiva.blogspot.com/
http://chrispluslynn.blogspot.com/

About a Boy...About a Country...About Us.

August-Ninth-Nineteen-Ninety-Two. Was The Day God Himself Stopped Creating Beauty. Instead He Decided To Bring Into This World, Another Troubled Soul. Confused, And Longing To Be Loved. He Would Grow Older And Realize The Glorious World That He Was Promised As A Child Doesn’t Exist. The Freedom That America Is Said To Poses Is Another Thing Of The Past. Segregation Is On Its Way Back In The Door. Human Beings Are Being Killed Every Day Because Of Sexuality, Religion, And Race. What A Wonderful World. Unknown To This Child, He Would Become Just Another Fuck up Soon To Be On The Streets. Every Passion He Has Had Is Disappearing Along With Every Thing He Has Known His Entire Life. No Longer Is It Excepted To Be Yourself. You Must Be Someone Else To Get Along. Every Night He Turns On The Radio, Just To Hear A Song About Sex, Money, Or Drugs. What Ever Happened To Love Or Passion. What Ever Happened To Singing Because Its Your Passion, And Its In Your Blood. Now A Days These So Called Singers Are In It For The Fame And Fortune. That IS Supposed To Be A Perk Of Being A Performer. The Real Reward Used To Be Seeing Your Fans Happy, Or Helping Those Troubled. But People Are To Good To Help Strangers. All They Care About Is Their Inner Circle. We Need To Forget Our Problems, And Remember Others Have It Worse. Who Cares If You Don't Have An I-Pod Or A Cell Phone. There Are Children With No Shoes…No Clothes To Keep Them Warm, When They Sleep On The Streets, Because Their Family Is To Poor To Afford The Food They Eat, Let Alone Their Other Necessities. Have We All Become So Consumed By Greed, So Blinded By False Beauty That We Cant See That People Who Are Standing Right Next To Us May Need Our Help. Or Have We All Just Become So Jaded By The Thought Of Giving Away Something So Small As Compassion. VAIN, That’s The Word To Describe America. VAIN, HOMOPHOBIC, RACIST, GREEDY, Human Beings. Oh America The Beautiful, Oh America The Land Of The Free, Oh America The Hated. I Cant Help Think, Why Do People Wonder Why They Are Hated So Much By Others. Its Plain To See. We Are A Nation In Turmoil, And We Need To Be Saved.